With family

Tell them up front youre going to cut back. Dont make it a money issue with your kids, but talk about it in the context of what the holiday really means This is the time to be with family, not for getting new skis, says Sue Fox, author of Etiquette for Dummies ($22, amazon.com). Children are resilient, adds Meg Cox, who wrote The Book of New Family Traditions ($13, amazon.com). If you make the change gradually theyll accept it. Let your extended family know as early as possible that youd like to give and receive less. (Though some, like grandparents, may be loath to do the same.)